Diego

About Diego

Diego was athletic, smart, excitable, and relentless in his pursuit of things he was passionate about. He saw patterns and was able to find answers to difficult new problems. He was able to speak to anyone. He had a spontaneity and fearlessness. He was full of joy and made friends anywhere he went. He loved people and went out of his way to help them.

When Aiden was two and Diego was four, a friend recommended a book called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. His last lecture can still be seen on YouTube. In this nonfiction book a college professor has just been given a terminal diagnosis and has 3-6 months to live. He speaks about enabling the dreams of others. There are life lessons he translates into preparing your kids for their best life. Here are some of his quotes:

You have to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff is not going to work.

When you're screwing up and no one is saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up.

Always have something to bring to the table because that will make you more welcomed.

You do pay the piper at the bottom.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it bad enough.

Have fun while learning something hard.

Don't complain, just work harder.

Be good at something, it makes you valuable.

Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

If you lead your life the right way, the Karma will take care of itself.

We started early with goals of academic excellence, martial arts, swimming, learning how to cook, self sufficiency, accountability, leadership through scouting, tenacity, and resilience. Diego did have an impulsivity and his struggle to focus in the traditional school setting left a gap that was closed with Kumon school books in English, reading, math word problems. Both he and his brother were a year ahead of their peers until 2019.

If I was meal prepping, he was in a carrier watching and smelling and tasting everything we made. When he was barely able to walk he would run ahead at the beach and ask people to give him snacks. I fondly remember his joy and focus in the kitchen. I have a picture of him torching crème Brulee with a precision and intense focus. His grandmother looks on scared that he will catch the house on fire. His athleticism was equally impressive. When Diego was nine he competed in the state wrestling championships and placed third after having started that same year. When he was 15 he had entered the adult BJJ class. I asked his twenty five year old ex military partner to not crush him with brute strength. I turned around and immediately heard someone tapping the mat. Diego had slipped his forearm under the guy's chin and quickly guillotined him to submission.

He had a confidence that he could jump and fall on his feet. I met a mother in a dance class who recognized his younger brother. "Oh yeah," she said, "Diego used to come by my house and try to get my [older] daughters to come outside." Diego's confidence may have been interpreted by some as arrogance. Diego was once asked by another adult why he was so confident as a 16 YO, and he replied it was all the little steps we had taken to make him a competent happy person that believed in himself.

In 2019 his mother moved out and divorce proceedings were started. The custody order specified every other day they would alternate at my house. We meal prepped on Sunday for the week. Bedtime was at 9:30, and weekend free time was after chores and homework was completed. The boys rebelled as there was a stark contrast with the program at my house and at his mother's house.

There is no free lunch at my house and I do not write blank checks to anyone. If my boys performance in life now was going to yield you a life of living out of their car in the future, then waking up to this realization now was my act of compassion. One Sunday we were meal prepping for the week. This day Diego refused to participate and Aiden decided to refuse also. I cooked three meals over the next six hours. Then next day I packed up all the food and took it to work. I returned that evening with a box full of Spaghetti Os, Chef Boyardee: Beefaroni, ravioli. Diego pulled a can out and said, "what the fuck is this!" I was equally firm about homework, chores, and his phone. When I found Diego ditching school to go fishing, I placed a FB marketplace add listing them for free. I told buyers to call and ask for flunkee. I have a video of him laughing about the situation. He knew there were standards and that I would eventually find out. The times that I confiscated Diego's phone he left for his mothers house.

Diego's life was one of high energy, passion, and tomfoolery. He made friends easily and his joy and his spontaneity are models for how to navigate life. I hope that the foundation in his name will bring an awareness and a legislative change through your action to change the circumstances that end teen's lives.